New big city, same road blocks

So I was walking around the other day outside while having one of my many smoke breaks when it hit me. The music of the day was going on. Horns were blaring and the cold wind was blowing by at a brisk pace. Squirrels jumping from branch to branch and fighting for territory with each other. The warmth of the sun had an unusually odd feeling with the cold and chaos that was going on in spite of it shining away.

And in that moment I realized I now live states away from anyone I have really cared about in my life (besides my older brother who I now live with). This is the first time I have lived in a state other then Ohio. Although at the same time it feels like a homecoming. My mom was born in Boston and spent a lot of her youth in the suburbs of this big city. But while it feels much like a homecoming, I do not feel at home.

For a person that tends not to be very outgoing, a new city is a very daunting task to face, especially when you no longer have the luxury of college to put you around thousands of new people your age every day.

I guess I should be excited about the possiblities that lie before me, and the time I now have to work on my music and finally start working towards my dreams. But what really kept me from doing that before? The truth to that question is myself. And being in a bigger city with nothing but time to work on music does not fix the problem of myself holding me back from doing that.

More frustrating I think is that there is no real piano anywhere that I can get to. My electronic keyboard just does not do me any favors and I miss the feel and sound of a real piano. I think that should be my first priority with money, but with the added big city living expenses goes my extra spending cash each month. It gets pretty frustrating just trying to stay afloat when what you really want to do, what you really know you can do, is soar into the stratusphere and take the world by storm.

I wonder where my muse went...